Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
did you just send me my own nude
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
