She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
