I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
