My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
