Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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