When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
