I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
