Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
