just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
