so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
