my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
