Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
