hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
