i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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