I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I deserve this hangover.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
