Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
