you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
