And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
