I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize