I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
