I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
