My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
