so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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