I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
