just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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