yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
