I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
