Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
