I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
