Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
