She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
