Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
