the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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