made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize