he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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