Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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