If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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