oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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