i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
