there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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