Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
