but the lizard people decide everything anyway
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
