I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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