I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
