I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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