I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
