I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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