I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
