remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
