Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
