I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
