hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
