a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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