my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
