:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
