Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
