go do what you do best...puke behind churches
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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