I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
