Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
