Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
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