Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
