I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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