Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
