Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
