Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
