i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
