i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
