This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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