I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
